I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize