You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
