I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
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