just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
