I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize