I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
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