Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
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