she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
I'm both gender and math confused
Randomize
