took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
I party with great urgency now.
Randomize
