you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
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