i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize
