Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
Randomize
