Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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