yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
