why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Randomize
