It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
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