Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
