There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize