Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
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