I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
Randomize
