I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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