god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize