Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
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