I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Randomize
