I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
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