i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
Who died my cat blue again?
I think I just shit out all my problems.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
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