Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
