My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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