They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Randomize
