Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
We left the knife in your bed.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
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