I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
