Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Randomize