he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
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