Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
my liver is dry heaving
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
