Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
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