Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
