On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
