Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
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