STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Randomize