the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
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