roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
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