I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
Randomize
