i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
