If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
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