I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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