I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
Reggie can tackle my bush.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
Randomize
