zippers are such a cool invention
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
