That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
Randomize
