I'm eating all of the evidence.
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
Randomize