I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Randomize
