Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
Randomize
