You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Randomize
