sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
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