You're so nebulous sometimes
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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