you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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