I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
Randomize
