well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
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