you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize
