How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
