Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
Randomize
