the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
I AM VODKA MAN
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
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