god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
I'm experimenting with sincerity
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
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