just survived the first fart of the relationship.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
Randomize
