now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
Randomize
