Whod you bang
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
That's how pantless uber rides happen
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
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