bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
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