and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Randomize
