He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
