Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Randomize
