we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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