What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
