She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Randomize
