the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
You pole danced in your parka.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
Randomize
