Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
I think im going to throw up on grandma
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
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