I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
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