so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Randomize
