I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
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