Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
Randomize
