that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Randomize
