no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
Randomize
