Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
Is Oprah even human
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
