I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
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