She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
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