So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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