ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
Nicole vs. Life
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Randomize
