i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
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