Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
