I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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