Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Randomize
