I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
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