508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
