Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
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