She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
I need water and some morals
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
