That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
