the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
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