Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize
