I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Randomize
